It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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