I can text with my tongue
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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