I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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