oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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