i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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