normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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