dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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