Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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