hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
