Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize