90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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