I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
