She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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