My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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