So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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