No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
