I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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