Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
