Whod you bang
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
