It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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