she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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