I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
