His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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