Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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