I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
