you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
