you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
