first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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