Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
