The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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