it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
