I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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