Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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