well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize