tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
