OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
