***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
