Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
