There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize