just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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