I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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