Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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