I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
