I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
