Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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