Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
