what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
