Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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