my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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