look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is it because I queefed?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
