I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize