last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
