Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize