Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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