I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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