So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize