Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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