I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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