The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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