He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
