i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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