let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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