I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
