just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
There's even glitter on my cock...
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