Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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