Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
