Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
