my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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