I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
