Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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