Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
